Tonoe de Pon
by I.C. Weener
Summary: Can Mercy stop the boogie before all hope is lost (and she gets a tacky makeover)?


" _I need healing."_

\- Genji

" _And I thought the Dorito bag was a tight squeeze."_

 _\- D. Va_

" _Wiiiiinstonnnnn."_

\- Ghostbusters II

* * *

The combat angel had fallen into a nest of metallic devils. Mercy was holding certain death at bay as Omnic drones mobilized by mechanical legs, tank treads, and VTOL engines outnumbered her from all sides. Countless red targeting reticules reflected off her pearlescent white battle armor as every manner of plasma gun and missile dispenser prepared to fire directly on her. The ends of their swarming barrels lit up in intense neon pink and spun with high-pitched whirring sounds. But despite her slim odds, Mercy's bravery never faltered.

The good doctor wrote her innumerable enemies a prescription for pain. She angled her Valkyrie wings straight back while thrusting her Caduceus staff forward, charging into the Omnic horde at full speed.

* * *

Scraps of dismantled drones were piled across the ground like a steaming junk yard. Their fuel cells were ripped apart and leaking battery fluid. Their lubricant seals had been opened and emptied. The entire legion had met a swift deactivation.

But there was something else piled with them. A seven-foot-tall ovule soldered together with frayed power cables and cannibalized machine parts sat above the grey waves of discarded Omnic rubble. Its hull was airtight and resonated with the low, muffled sounds of a reactor. The construction was shoddy, messy, and hasty, but it was enough to get the job done.

That "job" was illustrated in full detail through the holograms encircling the mangled structure. Virtual wireframe models of an angelic female figure hovered around the ovule like a glow-in-dark church statuary. The flickering gridline anatomies were framed with three-dimensional status screens that monitored the progress the patient's body was making as it was gradually rehabilitated from organic to machine. The treatment goal was to bring everything to a stable 50/50 balance.

This wasn't the scene of a human victory, but the scene of an Omnic mass ritual suicide. The scrapyard surrounding the oval canister was compromised of drones that had ripped themselves apart and expelled their vital fluids so it could be recycled on their captured enemy. Mercy was a human Hero, which made her a rare and valuable natural resource to the cold methodical minds of the Omnics. The benefits of converting a new hybrid officer beat out the costs of maintaining all of those low-ranking mass production drones. The machines had been forcibly trading with their human rivals at a roughly 100-Omnics-per-Hero exchange rate, and the results had favored the machine side every time.

The round canister began to crack open along its laser-welded seams. A pair of freshly painted pink wings broke out of the structure and spread their matching pink energy feathers.

Mercy struggled out of her metal hospital tent as it crumbled around her. She was soaked in a heated strawberry milkshake of lubricants and neutrinos that was healthy and moisturizing for organic flesh, and obscenely collusive for cybernetics. The synthetic pink yolk slithered off her body in steaming lava heaps and revealed her updated form as she shook out her feathers.

Black, white, and bright pink were the colors in fashion for this disastrous city destroyer. Her revised combat armor was made of a firm but flexible vinyl that fit closely to her natural form, giving the impression she was wearing a nurse dress made of pink gym mats. The white skirt panels hanging over her hips were adorned with personal insignias that resembled swirling wings or music symbols. Underneath the protective padding, her base attire was a black nylon dress constructed in geometric sectors mostly visible along her sides and thighs.

Her legs were completely shielded with pink and silver metal, while her arms were mostly covered in long white gloves constructed with pink energy condensers on her wrists. Her hair was still tangled in a mess of spare wires that gave her pigtails. She brushed the extra components off of her armor halo and shook her hair out so it could hang freely over her bare shoulders.

The Omnics had succeeded in stripping Mercy's equipment weight down and getting her tech up. Aside from the cherubic-futurist stylings, the filed down quarter panels, and the neon hot pink paint swap, she looked like her same old self. She was a half-machine hiding behind the perfect mockery of a human being. An angel of death pretending to be full of life.

She carelessly kicked a pile of Omnic tin cans away from her feet to give herself more room. She closed her eyes as the panel lines in her armor lit up like twinkling veins. She was using her enhanced equipment to perform a medical self-assessment, making sure all of her circuits as well as her organic parts were performing as expected. She was one of the few bio-Omnic hybrids qualified for such a feat.

She opened her eyes after the streaming lights on her armor faded. Staring into the empty space in front of her, she announced the results of her examination.

"Unit REV-0628MDX, Mercy, cleared for duty."

She crossed her wrists so the two condensers made contact. A vertical ray of light grew between her arms and turned into her new combat staff: A long metal fuel rod wrapped in pink and white trim.

Mercy smiled ominously as she took her hovering weapon into her hand. Her reprogramming left her with only one purpose in life.

"Now let's cure the planet of this disease called humanity."

* * *

 _Author's note: I offer you this nice egg in these trying times._


End file.
